Yoga Humor
Jokes, Quips, Funny Stories, Bloopers

Compiled by
Michael P. Garofalo

Valley Spirit Yoga     Cloud Hands Blog  

 

 

 

I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.  
-  Terri Guillemets

 

 

Question: How many Iyengar yogis does it take to replace a light bulb?
Answer: Only one - but he will need a sticky mat, a backless chair, five blankets, a bolster, six ropes, two belts, six assorted benches, three weights, and a certificate.  

 

 

Question: What did the sign in the window of the yoga master searching for a new disciple say? 
Answer:  Inquire within! 

 

 

When teaching Kapalabhati breathing:  
"If you begin to feel faint or dizzy, stop breathing and relax."

 

 

Press your shitting bones down.

 

 

Question:  Why did the yogi refuse anesthesia when having his wisdom teeth removed? 
Answer:  He wanted to transcend-dental-medication.

 

 

When teaching Setu Bandhasana (Bridge Pose) by putting a ball between a student's knees so they will not splay the legs apart, this was said to a male yoga student:  "Wow!  You could fit two balls between your legs!"

 

 

Yoga is excellent for un-kinking the muscles and the spine.  It is great if you're really kinky.

 

 

The Yogini says to the hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."

 

 

Blow and you can extinguish a flame.  
Blow and you can raise a flame.
When you blow, what will happen?
-  A Kapalbhati Koan 

 

 

"I always want to be somebody, but now I see that I should have been more specific."
-   Jane Wagner 

 

 

"Remember, it is more important for a smile to spread over your chin that it is to get your chin closer to your shin."
-   Sturart Rice 

 

 

The Ananda Yogi says to his pupil: "Do you understand that you don't really exist?" 
The pupil replies, "To whom are you speaking?" 

 

 

Life is hard.  It's breathe, breathe, breathe ... all the time.

 

 

"Eternal nothingness is okay if you're dressed for it."
-   Woody Allen 

 

 

"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?"
-   Lily Tomlin 

 

 

 

Student Exam Bloopers

A student wrote, "The universe is a giant orgasm" (instead of organism).  At the end of the student's essay, the teacher riposted, "Your answer gives new meaning to the Big Bang Theory."

"Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones."

"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire." 

 

 

 

When two Behaviorist Yogis met, one said, "You are fine.  How am I ?"

 

 

"Without love, without humor, yoga is just a lot of hard work."
-   Steve Ross

 

 

A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga.  She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.  Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.  "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."

 

 

 

Yoga Humor

Links, Bibliography, Resources

 

Dharma the Cat


Diamond Way Buddhism Humor
  


Gardening Jokes and Humor


Laughter Yoga   A program developed by Dr. Madan Kataria from Bombay, India.  


Milgrom, Phil - Yoga and Laughter  


Monk Gloats Over Yoga Championship


Sivananda Yoga Humor


Yoga Bloopers


Yoga Quotes - The Quote Garden

 

 


 

 

Michael P. Garofalo's E-mail

 

Valley Spirit Yoga
Yoga Research and Education

Red Bluff, Tehama County, North Sacramento Valley, Northern California, U.S.A.
Cities in the area: Oroville, Paradise, Durham, Chico, Hamilton City, Orland, Corning,
Rancho Tehama, Los Molinos, Tehama, Gerber, Manton, Cottonwood, 
Anderson, Shasta Lake, Palo Cedro, and Redding, CA

 

2012, Green Way Research, Red Bluff, California
Michael P. Garofalo, All Rights Reserved

 

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This webpage was last updated on April 25, 2012.