I tried yoga once but took off for the mall
halfway through class,
as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.
- Terri Guillemets
Question: How many Iyengar yogis does it
take to replace a light bulb?
Answer: Only one - but he will need a sticky mat, a backless chair,
five blankets, a bolster, six ropes, two belts, six assorted benches,
three weights, and a certificate.
Question: What did the
sign in the window of the yoga master
searching for a new disciple say? Answer: Inquire within!
When teaching Kapalabhati
breathing:
"If you begin to feel faint or dizzy, stop breathing and relax."
Press your shitting bones down.
Question: Why did the yogi refuse anesthesia
when
having his wisdom teeth removed? Answer: He
wanted to transcend-dental-medication.
When teaching Setu Bandhasana
(Bridge Pose) by putting a ball
between a student's knees so they will not splay the legs apart,
this was said to a male yoga student: "Wow! You could fit
two
balls between your legs!"
Yoga is excellent for
un-kinking the muscles and the spine.
It is great if you're really kinky.
The Yogini says to the hot dog
vendor:
"Make me one with everything."
Blow and you can extinguish a
flame.
Blow and you can raise a flame.
When you blow, what will happen?
- A Kapalbhati Koan
I always want to be
somebody, but now I see that I should
have been more specific.
- Jane Wagner
Remember, it is more important
for a smile to spread over your chin
that it is to get your chin closer to your shin.
- Sturart Rice
The Ananda Yogi says to his
pupil: "Do you understand that you
don't really exist?" The pupil replies, "To whom are you
speaking?"
Life is hard. It's breathe, breathe, breathe ... all the time.
Eternal nothingness is okay if
you're dressed for it.
- Woody Allen
If love is the answer, could you rephrase
the question?
- Lily Tomlin
Student Exam Bloopers
A student wrote, "The universe is a giant orgasm"
(instead of organism). At the end
of the student's essay, the teacher riposted, "Your answer gives new
meaning to
the Big Bang Theory."
"Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones."
"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
When two Behaviorist Yogis met,
one said:
"You are fine. How am I ?"
Without love, without humor,
yoga is just a lot of hard work.
- Steve
Ross
A young woman who was worried about her
habit of biting her fingernails
down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She
did, and soon
her fingernails were growing normally. Her friend asked her if yoga
had
totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now
I can reach
my toe-nails so I bite them instead."
Yoga Humor
Links, Bibliography, Resources
Laughter Yoga
A program developed by Dr. Madan Kataria from Bombay, India.
Milgrom, Phil -
Yoga and Laughter
Monk Gloats Over Yoga
Championship
Yoga Quotes - The Quote Garden
Valley Spirit Yoga
Yoga Research and
Education
Red Bluff, Tehama
County, North Sacramento Valley, Northern California, U.S.A.
Cities in the area: Oroville, Paradise, Durham, Chico, Hamilton City, Orland,
Corning,
Rancho Tehama, Los Molinos, Tehama, Gerber, Manton, Cottonwood,
Anderson, Shasta Lake, Palo Cedro, and Redding, CA
© 2004, Green Way
Research, Red Bluff, California
Michael P. Garofalo, All Rights Reserved
October 15, 2004
Cloud Hands: Taijiquan and Qigong
Cuttings: Haiku and Short Poems