Aging and Fitness:

Humor, Jokes, Quips, Satire



Compiled and Indexed By

Michael P. Garofalo

March 9, 2008

 

 

 

 

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have 
something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.


I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and 
call it "Pumping Rust."  


I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease.  That's when your chest 
is falling into your drawers!

 

 

 

A New Weekly Workout Plan
Valley Spirit Journal, January 1, 2005


Monday
      
Beat around the bush
Lift myself up by the bootsraps
Make mountains out of mole hills
Get all fired up
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls

Tuesday
Drag my heels
Make my point
Push my luck
Pull my own load
Hit the nail on the head

Wednesday      
Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Grab all I can get
Run around in circles
Shoulder my share of responsibility

Thursday    
Shop till I drop
Hang loose
Grind to a halt
Rest and recuperate

Friday      
Push it to the limit
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire
Pave the roadway to hell
Throw it all away

Saturday
Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge

Sunday
Pick up the pieces.
Wade through the morning paper
Lift my spirits
Toot my own horn


 

The Computer Swallowed Grandma!!


The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true!
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

Michael P. Garofalo's E-Mail

Red Bluff, Tehama County, North Sacramento Valley, California

 

Valley Spirit Yoga, Taijiquan, Qigong, Walking and Gardening

Red Bluff, Tehama County, North Sacramento Valley, Northern Central California, U.S.A.
Cities in the area: Oroville, Paradise, Durham, Chico, Hamilton City, Orland, Willows, Corning,
Rancho Tehama, Los Molinos, Tehama, Proberta, Gerber, Manton, Cottonwood,
Anderson, Shasta Lake, Palo Cedro, and Redding, CA, California.

Valley Spirit Fitness and Well Being Practice and Studies Journal

 

Disclaimer

 

 

 

Paths to Fitness and Well Being

T'ai Chi Ch'uan - Internal Marital Art

Qigong - Energy Cultivation

Yoga

Walking

Meditation

The Spirit of Gardening

 

 

Green Way Research, Red Bluff, California, 2005

Brief Biography of Michael P. Garofalo

 

 

 

Index to Fitness and Well Being

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alphabetical Subject Index

 

Cloud Hands Website
   
Taijiquan, Qigong, Taoism, Classics, Weapons: Sword and Staff


Fitness and Well Being Website

      Gardening, Meditation, Walking, Yoga, Strength Training,
      Fitness for Older Persons, Aerobics, Relaxation  


The Spirit of Gardening

   
2,700 Quotes Arranged by 130 Topics, History, Guides,
     Psycho-Spiritual Aspects of Gardening 



Web Guides, Bibliographies, Links, Directories, Quotes, Notes

 


Alphabetical Subject Index

 

Aging Well   

Alphabetical Subject Index to the Cloud Hands Website   

Ancient Goddesses - Quotations, Poems, Sayings, Prayers, Songs

Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi): Tiger, Bear, Crane, Deer, and Monkey

Arthritis Therapy - Exercise: T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Chi Kung      

Bear, Standing Bear, Level 1 Ranking, Valley Spirit Taijiquan

The Bear: The Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)    

Bibliography - Ch'i Kung

Bibliography - Taijiquan     

Bird - Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)

Blog - Valley Spirit Journal by Michael P. Garofalo

Breathing and Taijiquan     

Breathing and Yoga    

Breathwork

Buddhism and Martial Arts    

Buddhist Ethics

California (Northern) T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information

Charkas (Energy Centers of the Subtle Body)

Chan Ssu Chin - Silk Reeling    

Cheng Man-Ch'ing  (1901-1975)    

Chen Style T'ai Chi Ch'uan     

Ch'i - Breathwork  

Chih - Taiji Ruler

Ch'i or Qi

Ch'i Kung: Bibliography and Links    

Ch'i Kung Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California   

Chinese Massage

Ch'i or Qi and Taijiquan     

Classes, Valley Spirit Taijiquan, Instructional Program

Classics of T'ai Chi Ch'uan     

Cloud Hands: T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Ch'i Kung     

Cloud Hands T'ai Chi Ch'uan Journal     

Cold Mountain Poets: Wanderers, Mystics, and Sages     

Confucius (K'ung Fu-tzu)  (551 - 479 BCE)    

Contemplation

Crane - Bird - Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)

Crane, Soaring Crane, Intermediate Program, Level 3, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan   

Cuttings: Short Poems by Michael P. Garofalo  

Cuttings: Above the Fog  

Dance and Taijiquan       

Dayan - Wild Goose Qigong

The Deer: The Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)    

Diabetes Therapy - Exercise: Taijiquan and Qigong   

Disclaimer of the Cloud Hands Website  

Eight Section Brocade Ch'i Kung       

Eight Silken Treasures Qigong    

Eight Trigrams and Taijiquan          

Embrace the One - Zhan Zhuang - Standing Like A Tree

Emptiness in Full Bloom    

Entering Tranquility (Ru Jing) Meditation      

Exercise - Diabetes Therapy - Taijiquan and Qigong   

Feedback, Kudos and Reviews for the Cloud Hand's Website     

Fitness and Well Being    

Fitness for Older Persons     

Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi): Tiger, Bear, Crane, Deer, and Monkey

Five Precepts of Buddhism     

Five Elements (Wu-Xing) and Taijiquan   

Five Stepping Movements of Taijiquan    

Flexibility and Stretching     

Five Elements (Air, Earth, Fire, Water, Metal)

Flowers

Flowers in the Sky     

Gardening: Quotes, Poems, History, Sayings

Gardening: Quips and Maxims by Michael P. Garofalo

The Four Gates: Grasping the Sparrow's Tail    

Michael P. Garofalo's Biography

Michael P. Garofalo's T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Practice    

The Goddess - Quotations, Poems, Sayings, Prayers, Songs    

Goose - Bird - Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)  

Goose - Wild Goose Qigong             

Grasping the Sparrow's Tail          

Green Way Research        

Green Way Research - Taijiquan and Qigong       

Green Wizard 

Gu Shen Taijiquan Journal     

Gu Shen (Valley Spirit) Taijiquan Instructional Program

Haiku and Short Poems     

Hatha Yoga

Health and Fitness - T'ai Chi Ch'uan    

Hidden Tiger, Beginning Program, Level 2, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan   

Index to the Cloud Hands Website

Instructional Program, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan    

Journal - Valley Spirit Journal by Michael P. Garofalo

Kriya Yoga    

Kudos for the Cloud Hands Website

Kundalini (Coiled Serpent) Energy

Kwang Ping Taijiquan of Kuo Lien Ying     

Labyrinths and Mazes

Links and Bibliography: Qigong    

Links and Bibliography: Taijiquan       

Long Form 108 Yang Style Taijiquan     

Massage

Master Chang San-Feng  (circa 1350)       

Master Cheng Man-Ch'ing  (1901 - 1975)    

Master Han Shan  (circa 750)    

Master Kuo Lien Ying     

Master Sun Lu-Tang   

Mastery, Self Control, Self Mastery, Choices, Will Power, Strength of Character

Meditation - General

Meditation and Breathing

Meditation and Walking    

Meditation Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California        

Meditation Methods and Techniques  

Meditation Quotations    

Meditation - Standing Like A Tree  

Meditation - Wu Ji - The Edge of Emptiness  

Michael P. Garofalo's T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Practice    

Minding the Breath

Months of the Year: Quotes, Poems, Links     

Moving Hands Like Clouds:  T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong    

Northern California T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information

Nature Mysticism   

Nine Movement Temple Ch'i Kung Exercise Set

Oak Tree in the Courtyard    

Old Cloud Hands Website

Older Persons Exercise and Wellness Programs   

Oregon T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information   

Original Cloud Hands URL    

Original Waving Hands Like Clouds URL    

Photography - Valley Spirit Photography Gallery    

Pilates: Links, Bibliography, Resources, Quotes, Notes

Pranayama: Breathing Techniques from Yoga     

Private Instruction by Michael P. Garofalo, Instructional Programs

Pulling Onions: The Quips and Maxims of a Gardener

Push Hands - T'ui Shou   

Qigong: Bibliography and Links    

Qigong - Breathwork

Qigong, Ch'i Kung - Chinese Mind-Body Exercises

Qigong Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California        

Qigong Ruler - Taiji Chih

Qigong Walking      

Qi or Ch'i and Taijiquan     

Raja Yoga

Red Bluff, Valley Spirit Taijiquan Instructional Program

Relaxation and Taijiquan     

Resolve, Will. Willpower, Self Control, Self Discipline   

Reviews of the Cloud Hand's Website     

Ruler - T'ai Chi

Self Control, Self Mastery, Choices, Will Power    

Self-Massage

Senior Citizens Fitness Programs  

Sensing Hands: Push Hands - T'ui Shou   

Shoong, Sung, Song  - Loose, Relaxed, Open, Yielding, Responsive     

Short Form, Yang Style, Beijing Simplified 24

Silk Reeling    

Simplified 24 From, Yang Style       

Soaring Crane, Intermediate Program, Level 3, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan

Soulful Gardening

Speaking to the Spirit Meditation

The Spirit of Gardening    

Staff Weapons: Jo, Bo, Can, Staff, Spear    

Standing Bear, Level 1 Ranking, Valley Spirit Taijiquan

Standing Like A Tree - Zhan Zhuang

Standing Meditation (Wu Ji)

Sticking Hands - T'ui Shou   

Stork - Bird - Five Animal Frolics

Strength Training    

Stretching and Flexibility

Subject Index to the Cloud Hands Website

Sun Lu-Tang   

Sun Style T'ai Chi Ch'uan     

Swordsmanship and T'ai Chi Ch'uan     

T'ai Ch'i Classics      

Tai Chi for Arthritis

Tai Chi for Diabetes

T'ai Chi Ch'uan: Bibliography and Links     

T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information, Workshops      
Northern California, Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia

T'ai Chi Ch'uan Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California      

T'ai Chi Ch'uan, Red Bluff, CA  

T'ai Chi Ch'uan Short Form, Beijing Simplified 24, Yang Style     

T'ai Chi Ch'uan: Links and Bibliography      

T'ai Chi Ch'uan Staff     

T'ai Chi Ch'uan Sword (Jian)     

T'ai Chi Ruler - Chih

Taijiquan: Bibliography and Links      

Taijiquan - Breathwork

Taijiquan Classics      

Taijiquan For Good Health, Fitness and Vitality         

Taijiquan Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo in Red Bluff, California        

Taijiquan Jian (Sword)     

Tantric Yoga

Taoism, Nature Mysticism, Alchemy      

Temple Qigong - A Nine Movement Exercise Set     

Thirteen Postures: 8 Gates and 5 Steps                  

Thirteen Treasures Walking Qigong       

The 300 Missing Poems of Han Shan      

The Tiger: The Five Animal Frolics (Wu Qin Xi)    

Tiger, Hidden Tiger, Beginning Program, Level 2, Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan

Tree Qigong - Zhan Zhuang - Standing Like A Tree   

Trees - Quotations, Poems, Lore, Wisdom  

Trees - Lore, Magick, Myths, Magick

24 From, Yang Style, Standard       

Valley Spirit Journal by Michael P. Garofalo     

Valley Spirit Labyrinths  

Valley Spirit Photography Gallery    

Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan Club        

Valley Spirit Taijiquan Instructional Program

Valley Spirit Taijiquan and Qigong Journal by Michael P. Garofalo       

Vancouver, B.C., T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools

Vitality, Health and Qigong   

Walking and Labyrinths

Walking and Taijiquan     

Walking - General Fitness Exercise

Walking - Quotations     

Washington T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong Directory: Instructors, Schools, Information 

Waving Hands Like Clouds:  T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Qigong    

Wild Goose Qigong

Will Power, Self Control, Self Mastery, Choices, Strength of Character   

Wizards

Wu Ji - Standing Meditation   

Yoga Class, TFFC, Red Bluff, CA

Yang Style Taijiquan Long Form 108 Movements     

Yang Style Taijiquan Short Form 24 Movements       

Yin-Yang Sensitivity Training: Sticking Hands - T'ui Shou   

Yoga   

Yoga Class, Red Bluff, CA - Instructor: Michael P. Garofalo

Yoga - Breathwork   

Yoga - Hatha   

Yoga - Kriya

Yoga -Tantric

Yoga-Taiji Index

Zhan Zhuang - Standing Like A Tree

Zen Poetry       

Zen Buddhist Quotations   

 

 

Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan Club


Red Bluff, Tehama County, North Sacramento Valley, Northern California, U.S.A.
Cities and small towns in the area: Oroville, Paradise, Durham, Chico, Hamilton City,
Corning, Rancho Tehama, Los Molinos, Vina, Tehama, Proberta, Gerber, 
Manton, Cottonwood, Olinda, Cloverdale, Dairyville, Bend, Centerville, Summit City
Anderson, Shasta Lake, Palo Cedro, Igo, Ono, Redding, Shasta, Colusa, Willows,
Richfield, Fall River, Montgomery Creek, Alturas, McCloud, Dunsmuir, Yreka, Happy Camp,
Shingletown, Burney, Mt. Shasta City, Weaverville, Williams, Chester, Orland,
Susanville, Weed, Gridley, Marysville, Yuba City, NorCalifia, CA, California.

 

January 1, 2005

 

Green Way Research   

Valley Spirit T'ai Chi Ch'uan

Cloud Hands: T'ai Chi Ch'uan and Ch'i Kung     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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